why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
