her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
