plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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