ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
