When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
