If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
