Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
