I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
