just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Randomize
