38 yer olds are good kisserssss
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
