Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
