and you said cock pushups were impossible
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
