Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
