Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
