Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He did a backflip because drugs
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
