I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
