Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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