holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
