You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
