I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
