The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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