she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
