this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
