I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
