Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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