addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
