its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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