Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
