I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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