i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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