Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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