I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
