No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
the day after is always just damage control
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I pour the whiskey from now on
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
