my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
