I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
