this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
