first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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