im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
