and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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