I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
