I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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