I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Pooping to opera.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
