He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
