Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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