I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
