you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
