I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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