i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
