Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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