I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
