Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
