When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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